Finding Perspective: Why Moving the Goalposts Can Ease Depression, Stress and Anxiety
When life feels heavy, it can be hard to see any way forward.
Depression, stress and anxiety have a way of distorting our view — narrowing our focus until all we can see are the things that feel wrong. We start to believe the critical thoughts that whisper, “you’re not coping” or “you should be doing better.”
But what if the problem isn’t that you’re failing — what if it’s that the lens you’re looking through has shifted?
Depression and anxiety can often be problems of perspective. And sometimes, the way through begins, not with trying harder, but with learning to move the goalposts and see yourself, and your situation, in a kinder light.
Depression: a problem of perspective
When you’re struggling with low mood or exhaustion, your mind can become very black-and-white. It filters out evidence of hope or progress, and zooms in on everything that feels wrong.
That’s not a weakness — it’s what depression does.
It convinces you that your thoughts are facts:
“I’m not achieving enough.”
“Everyone else is coping better.”
“Nothing will change.”
These thoughts are powerful because they sound true. But depression shows only part of the picture. It hides the moments you did cope, the reasons you’re tired, the context that explains why you’re struggling. In that way, depression becomes less a reflection of reality and more a reflection of how small your perspective has become.
Finding perspective again
Finding perspective isn’t about forcing positivity or pretending things are fine. It’s about gently widening the lens.
It might mean noticing that:
You’re surviving something difficult, not failing at something easy.
One bad day doesn’t define you.
The way you feel now doesn’t have to be the way you’ll always feel.
Perspective creates breathing space. It helps you step back from the harsh inner critic and see a fuller, fairer version of your life — one that includes strength, effort and small successes as well as struggle.
Moving the goalposts
When we’re under pressure, we often hold ourselves to the same standards we expect when we’re at our best. But sometimes, being well means allowing the goalposts to move.
That might look like:
Redefining “a productive day” as one where you simply got up and showered.
Seeing rest as a legitimate use of time, not a failure.
Setting boundaries around work or family expectations so you can protect your energy.
Moving the goalposts isn’t about lowering your standards permanently — it’s about recognising what’s realistic right now. It’s a compassionate adjustment, not a defeat. By doing so, you give yourself permission to recover, rather than continually falling short of an impossible ideal.
How counselling helps
In counselling, perspective and flexibility begin to grow through conversation.
You’re given space to:
Explore the stories you tell yourself when you feel low or anxious.
Notice where your expectations come from and whether they still serve you.
Reconnect with your values and strengths, even when they feel out of reach.
Learn to see your experiences through a more balanced, compassionate lens.
Your counsellor isn’t there to tell you how to think, but to help you see differently. Often, that’s where healing begins — in the shift from self-criticism to self-understanding.
A gentle reminder
When life feels overwhelming, it’s easy to believe you’ve lost control or failed in some way. But often, what’s really happened is that your view has become clouded.
With the right support, you can begin to clear that fog — to find perspective, to move the goalposts, and to meet yourself with more kindness than judgement. Counselling offers a space to practice that — to see yourself and your struggles with new eyes.
And from there, things can begin to feel lighter, steadier, and more possible.
Sometimes, that’s all it takes to start feeling just a little more hopeful again.
Where to find help and support; agencies offering depression counselling in Surrey
There are many places that offer depression counselling in Surrey.
Below are some of the options available ranging from private counselling to low cost therapy and emergency helplines.
The Eaves Counselling & Psychology Ltd
The Eaves are a body of psychotherapists and counsellors working from offices throughout Surrey. My own practice is located at the Eaves and I am able to see clients at the Guildford, Farnham or Haslemere locations,
theeaves.org.uk/practitioners/louise-medhurst/
www.theeaves.org.uk
Tel: 01483 917000
The Eaves, 3 Paris, Parklands, Railton Road, Guildford, Surrey, GU2 9JX
Mind Matters Surrey NHS
www.mindmattersnhs.org.uk
Urgent help number: 0800 915 4644 (24 hours)
Samaritans
A listening service to help you talk through your concerns, worries and troubles.
Tel: 116 123 (24 hours)
Sane
www.sane.org.uk
Provides specialist emotional support, guidance and information to anyone affected by mental ill-health.
Tel: 07984 967 708 and leave a message, giving your first name and a contact number and one of Sane's professionals or senior volunteers will call you back.