Grief Counselling: Talking about Loss and Bereavement
Grief is a deeply personal and complex process, and navigating loss is one of the most difficult experiences many of us will face in our lives. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, the end of a significant relationship, or another major life transition, the emotional impact of loss can be overwhelming. In the UK, where death and bereavement are often still considered taboo topics, people may struggle to find the support they need to process their grief. Counselling can play a vital role, offering guidance, comfort, and a safe space to heal.
What Is Grief Counselling?
Grief counselling, also known as bereavement counselling, is therapy designed to help individuals cope with loss. The grieving process is unique to each person, and while some may navigate it independently or with the support of friends and family, others may feel lost, stuck, or overwhelmed by their emotions. Counselling provides a structured environment where individuals can explore their feelings, develop coping strategies, and ultimately begin to move forward with their lives.
At its core, counselling will help people understand that grief is a natural response to loss and that there’s no "right" or "wrong" way to grieve. By working with a trained counsellor, individuals can express their emotions freely, gain new perspectives on their loss, and learn how to adjust to life without their loved one. Sometimes people feel that their grief is undeserved or disenfranchised, and this can be for many reasons, as an example the grief somebody might feel over the death of an ex-partner, somebody still living but suffering with dementia, divorce or the death of a pet. Counselling will offer an opportunity, where there might be no alternative, to fully explore the emotions that arise from this form of grief.
The Stages of Grief: Do They Apply to Everyone?
Many people are familiar with the idea of the "five stages of grief"—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—coined by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. While these stages can be a useful framework for understanding some aspects of the grieving process, it’s important to remember that not everyone will experience all five stages, and they may not occur in any specific order. Grief is highly personal, and each person's experience is unique.
Some people may feel numb initially, while others might be overwhelmed by waves of intense sadness. For some, anger or guilt may dominate their emotions. In grief counselling, the focus isn’t on following a particular formula but on meeting individuals where they are in their grieving process and offering tailored support that aligns with their needs.
Why Grief Counselling Can Be So Helpful
Grief can be isolating. Even when surrounded by friends and family, individuals might feel that no one truly understands what they’re going through. This sense of isolation is compounded by the fact that in the UK, we often feel uncomfortable discussing death and loss. Well-meaning loved ones may avoid bringing up the subject, fearing they’ll upset the grieving person, or they might offer advice like "stay strong" or "move on," which can inadvertently cause more harm than good.
Counselling provides a safe, non-judgmental space to talk openly about loss. Counsellors are trained to listen deeply and validate the emotions that arise during bereavement, from sadness to anger, guilt, or even relief. In this supportive environment, people can feel understood and accepted as they work through their feelings.
Grief counselling also helps individuals process complex or unresolved emotions. For example, someone who had a strained relationship with the deceased may experience guilt or regret, while others may struggle with "survivor’s guilt." Counselling allows individuals to explore these difficult emotions and find ways to come to terms with them.
Common Issues Addressed in Grief Counselling
Loss of a Partner or Spouse: Losing a life partner can create a profound sense of loneliness and disruption. Grief counselling can help individuals cope with feelings of emptiness, and explore ways to rebuild their lives while honouring the memory of their loved one.
Bereavement After the Death of a Parent: The loss of a parent often triggers feelings of losing one's foundation. Counselling helps individuals work through the grief, manage family dynamics, and come to terms with the shifting roles in their lives.
Grieving the Death of a Child: The loss of a child is an unimaginable pain. Grief counselling for parents and families can provide the support needed to navigate this overwhelming grief, which may feel all-consuming.
Coping with Sudden or Traumatic Loss: Unexpected or traumatic losses, such as accidents or sudden illness, can leave individuals in shock and struggling to process their emotions. Counselling provides a space to work through the trauma and grief.
Loss Due to Suicide: Losing someone to suicide often brings complicated emotions like guilt, anger, and confusion. Grief counselling helps individuals address these emotions and work through the unique challenges of this type of loss.
When Should You Seek Counselling for Grief?
While grief is a natural response to loss, sometimes it becomes overwhelming and prolonged, leading to what is known as complicated grief. If grief is severely affecting your daily life, or if you find yourself feeling stuck and unable to move forward, grief counselling can offer the support you need.
Here are some signs that you might benefit from grief counselling:
Intense, prolonged sadness that doesn’t seem to lessen with time.
Inability to focus on anything other than your loss.
Withdrawal from friends, family, or activities you once enjoyed.
Trouble accepting the reality of the loss.
Feelings of hopelessness, numbness, or extreme anger.
Difficulty performing daily tasks or maintaining responsibilities.
Moving Forward with Compassion
Grief doesn’t have a timeline, and it’s important to approach the process with self-compassion. Grief counselling can be an essential step in moving forward while still honouring the loss you’ve experienced. Therapy can help you through the pain of loss, providing guidance and support at every stage of the process.
Grieving is a deeply personal process, and there's no right or wrong way to experience it. If you're feeling overwhelmed by loss, know that you don’t have to go through it alone. Reach out for support in navigating your grief.
Grief & Bereavement Support available in Surrey
The Eaves Counselling & Psychology Ltd
The Eaves are a body of psychotherapists and counsellors working from offices in Guildford, Farnham, Haslemere and Godalming. Some of these practitioners (including myslef) offer help with Grief & Bereavement:
theeaves.org.uk/practitioners/louise-medhurst/
www.theeaves.org.uk
01483 917000
3 Paris,
Parklands,
Railton Road,
Guildford,
Surrey
GU2 9JX
Cruse Bereavement Support
Helpline: 0808 808 1677
www.cruse.org.uk